Classic Pinoy Jokes

Letter to OFW dad:

"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang baon sa skul. ung nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag ka na padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tuloy ang umubos."

***

TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?

PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?

TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.

PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?

***

DONYA: bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empuntu!

MAID: walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag-almusal!

***

SAYINGS TO LIVE BY:

1. birds of the same feather, are the same birds

2. do not do unto others what you can't do

3. an apple a day is not an apple at night

4. when the cat is away the mouse is alone

5. if others can do it, don't help

6. tell me who ur friends are and i'll tell u mine

7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy in the afternoon

8. ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim, ang ilog na maingay...may naglalaba

***

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"

Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

***

Bisaya 1: " Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan!"

Bisaya 2: " Dili bay!"

Bisaya 1: " Kay Hipi?"

Bisaya 2: " Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o, "'SAFARI'."

***

1st night lola wore see thru dress, lolo didn't react...

2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...

3rd night lola all naked, lolo said "anu yan suot mo, gusot-gusot!!"

***

Juan: bday ng asawa ko.

Pedro: ano regalo mo?

Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.

P: ano naman sinabi?

J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.

P: ano binigay mo?

J: Baraha.

Wahahahah

kept me in stitches

bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?

bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?

bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!

*****

Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!

Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?

Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase.

Ang tinuro ni ma'am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!

*****

Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:

Bush: "Lets help one another..."

Erap: "Tayo'y magtulungan. .."

Bush: "...let's strive together..."

Erap: "...tayo'y magsikap..."

Bush: "...because in union there is strength."

Erap: "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"

*****

Bongbong -- Pare sinong idol mo?

Chavit--Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Bongbong-- Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.

Chavit --Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.

*****

Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka

Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo (pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)

Pare 1: Di pa rin e

Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo (pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...)

Pare 1: Wala pa rin

Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ... pag hindi ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!

*****

ERAP: Soli ko tong nabili kong DVD.

FPJ: Anong problema?

ERAP: Walang picture, tsaka sound. Sayang. Suspense thriller pa yata to. Tsk, tsk...

FPJ: Anong title?

ERAP: "The Lens Cleaner"

*****

BUNSO: Tay , may multo daw sa kusina natin?

TATAY: Anak, sino naman nagsabi sayo nyan?

BUNSO: Si ate po!

TATAY: Ay nako, wag ka nga magpapaniwala dun! Wala namang multo eh! Ang mabuti pa samahan mo na lang ako sa kusina, at iinom lang ako ng tubig...

*****

PROMDI: Lam ko promdi lang ako kaya wag mo kong lolokohin! Bakit ganito ang kwarto ko?!?! Maliit, wala pang kama at bintana..... ha?!?!

ROOMBOY: Sir, nasa elevator pa lang po tayo...

*****

MRS: Bakit ngayon ka lang?

MR: Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe! Hik,

MRS: Lasing ka no?

MR: Ako, lashing? Hindi! Hik

MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates?

*****

Jun-Jun: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!

Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?

Jun-Jun: "Sino ang walang assignment?"

*****

Girl: Maganda ba ko?

Boy: Oo, kaya lang, Bumbayin ka...

Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang Bumbay, ah?!

Tisay yata to!

Boy: Oo nga, pero 'yung amoy mo, Bumbayin!

*****

Eliseo: Sobra na talaga ang katangahan ng kumare mo.

Ang akala niya, ang LAWSUIT ay uniporme ng pulis!

JoshuA: Sus! Tanga nga! Eh di ba, uniporme ng abugado yun?!

*****

Host: Ano po ang maipaglilingkod ko sa inyo?

Tanda: Pwede ho bang manawagan?

Host: Ilang taon na po kayo?

Tanda: 98 y/o na po ako.

Host: Wow! Ang tanda nyo na pala! O, sige po... manawagan na kayo.

Tanda: Itay, umuwi na kayo! Hindi na nagagalit si Lolo sa inyo!

COOL!

This girl is way too good!

Click here to watch.

PlayZone

Today is the death anniversary of my husband's grandmother. She was the one who reared my husband when he was a little boy back in Laguna since my mother in law is working and residing in Manila. I heard many great stories about her, too bad I wasn't given the chance to meet her personally. Hence, Mommy Lolit, Alvin, Andy, Stephen and I drove our way to Alaminos to visit her. As customary, we had our scrumptious lunch at the Tolentino’s house. The kind of meal that will make you erase the term diet in the dictionary. However, Andy had a hearty appetite again today which made my day really delightful. We hang about for a few minutes more after lunch to chat some more with Tita Weidy and Tito Marcel and for the children to play with Ghabo, and then we headed back to Manila. We already predicted the terrible traffic ahead of us because of the feast happening in the nearby town. Auspiciously, we reached our destination safe and sound ‘though we counter flew the traffic. Thanks to Alvin (my brother in law) also known as the speedy driver, who never gets tired of driving for us to and from. We arrived at Festival Mall at 3PM and then roam around while we wait for Ayet and Gerard’s off from work.
Playtime at Playzone is the highlight of Andy and

Stephen's day. They played for an hour and a half; it’s like a place of innocent bliss for the boys. The ruddiness on their faces is just indescribable and their chuckles are unspeakable! Every toy they hanker after is there. Andy had his first slide alone and I am so full of pride of him because he wasn’t frightened at all! My little boy is really growing and there’s no way I can stop it. Gerard came a quarter to 6 then we met Ayet at KFC, and then we had dinner there. Then we went home at 7PM. Did I tell you already that I am a forgetful freak?? Shoot, I left Andy’s bonnet at the playhouse… Dang!

iTouch

I gotta have this soon!!! Wahhhhh!!

Wireless

Yey! I just purchased a new wireless router. I set it up in 10 minutes while Gerard was busy indulging himself with the NBA All Star replay. He has no idea of what was I’ve busy about, but I’m sure after he reads this, he’ll freak out… (Peace babe) It’s better now because I can take my laptop anywhere around the house. I can bring it outside, enjoy the internet access and be with Andy during his outdoor walking and running around...
Finally, I’m wireless again!

Chow

Seeing my kid enjoy eating the food I give him is surely the bestest sight that I will ever see...

Happy People

Isn't it nice to have happy people around? Hehe!

new hobby

I've always been enthralled with flowers… blame it on my mother. That when I first spotted Tita Weidy's mini Orchidarium inside their compound in Laguna, I was in awe. Like my mom and my mother in law, she possesses a green thumb, that whatever she touches.. blooms! Not all people are given with this exceptional gift. Fatefully, I was one of them. Sigh.
So I took photos for you to envisage and behold the splendor they bring..
Enjoy!

INXS: Your comments and suggestions are welcome; I admit I still need more improvement with my photography. Thanks.

Justice!

Thank God, we have successfully launched Mommy Lolit's 60th surprise birthday. It's amazing that she hasn't smelled a thing that we have cooked for her. This was originally masterminded by Ate Bibe my sister-in-law from Australia, who called from time to time for updates. Mommy Lolit was really suprised the most when she saw her boss and her officemates coming, who actually came from Manila and told her that they can't make it. She expects a small gathering but not a big party with a live band and a catered buffet with balloons and the likes. Her friends, classmates, cousins and some relatives joined us that night. Though drizzles of blessings poured from the sky every now and then, still we made it through. We started the program with a prayer, and then chains of messages of greetings and love given by her children, brothers and sisters, her friends and colleagues, and her family in Australia. Everybody enjoyed the AVP that I made for her, which is undeniably my labor of love for my mother in law. The guests saw their old kept photos and they can't help but laugh at the funny trends several decades ago.
We expected Mommy Lolit to cry but because she is a woman of composure... she was able to control her emotion, she gave a long message of thanks instead with wit and humor for the finale.
Tha party was a success and I'm very pleased with that. It gave justice to what we've been preparing and working on for almost 2 months. Thanks Tito Marcel and Tita Weidy for your time and for lending us your beautiful space, thanks to Mheng, Kay and Joseph for the technical assistance, thanks to Metrotech for giving us the best package on LCD and projector screen, thanks to Tito Teddy for the cake and to the caterer (the food was so yummy especially the fish fillet) and to Tito Gil's band. Special thanks to Tita Ellie and Tito Mel for the lechon. Thanks to everyone for coming and for sharing this memorable event with us! Happy birthday Mommy Lolit!

Now let me share you some of photos last night.. Enjoy!

What Does Your Birthday Means?

Your Birthdate: March 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head. You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking. People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right. You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Thanks Mem!



Now Im tagging Casey..

Love This

This is way too cute!! I love it!! Really!!!!!

happy valentines day everyone!

May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being, may you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life. Apache blessing.

This blessing was sent to me today by a dear friend, I think its beautiful & wanted to share it with all of you, have a wonderful evening :-)


Thank you for the chocolates baby.. after all these years, you never fail to amaze me.. I love you and looking forward to spending a hundred more valentines with you..



Happy Heart's Day everyone!! I hope your day will be as hearty as mine!! Enjoy!