Classic Pinoy Jokes

Letter to OFW dad:

"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang baon sa skul. ung nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag ka na padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tuloy ang umubos."

***

TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?

PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?

TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.

PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?

***

DONYA: bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empuntu!

MAID: walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag-almusal!

***

SAYINGS TO LIVE BY:

1. birds of the same feather, are the same birds

2. do not do unto others what you can't do

3. an apple a day is not an apple at night

4. when the cat is away the mouse is alone

5. if others can do it, don't help

6. tell me who ur friends are and i'll tell u mine

7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy in the afternoon

8. ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim, ang ilog na maingay...may naglalaba

***

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"

Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

***

Bisaya 1: " Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur iyan!"

Bisaya 2: " Dili bay!"

Bisaya 1: " Kay Hipi?"

Bisaya 2: " Tuntu ka man. Kay FATHER iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o, "'SAFARI'."

***

1st night lola wore see thru dress, lolo didn't react...

2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...

3rd night lola all naked, lolo said "anu yan suot mo, gusot-gusot!!"

***

Juan: bday ng asawa ko.

Pedro: ano regalo mo?

Juan: tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.

P: ano naman sinabi?

J: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.

P: ano binigay mo?

J: Baraha.

Wahahahah